GOT A QUESTION?

E-mail me your question and I will post and answer it here on this blog: TheTherapistWithin@cox.net

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Why the Law of Attraction Didn’t Work for Jodi Arias

Jodi Arias Mug Shot

Accused murderer Jodi Arias believed in the Law of Attraction, the art of tapping into the hidden powers of the mind to manifest what you desire.  She believed that thinking positive thoughts would bring positive change to her life, and thinking negative thoughts would bring about negativity.  So she worked hard at keeping her negative thoughts at bay, refusing in most cases to even include them in her journal, and then, when she did, ripping out the pages to keep the journal “pure.”

So what happened?  The answer lies in understanding about how brain works.

Until recently, we didn’t have the technology to look deep inside the brain’s interior where the emotional brain (amygdala) is located to discover what is actually happening.  But now, with the advent of fMRI’s, that take moving pictures of the amygdala, researchers discovered that the truth is the opposite of what Law of Attraction advocates (and many other mental health professionals!!) have been preaching for decades. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

I want to play, my girlfriend wants to have kids. HELP!

My girlfriend and I have an issue. I want to live my life to the fullest till I’m around 25-30 of course not doing drugs or anything but, living – snowboarding, surfing, swimming maybe even diving. I just want to live my life with her as a bachelor, fresh out of college with a job and money to spend on things I’ve always wanted or wanted to do.  She’s afraid to wait until she has kids because she was told that when you’re older it’s much harder to get pregnant.  Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , ,

Young Love and Growing Up . . .

 Dear Therapist Within:

My good friend Sally, 21, is living with her boyfriend and after a few months of living with him, she now wants to break up. Most of her friends, me included, told her that she was rushing into things since she had only had been with him for three months before she moved in with him but she refused to listen because she thought she was in love. She can’t break the lease since it’s up in October; it would be very expensive to do so. She’s under a lot of stress Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

Planning an Intervention

 Dear Therapist Within:

My friend Sarah, 20, used to be a really nice, college going girl. She dropped out and now is doing drugs and drinking very frequently. My friends keep wanting to have an intervention but we do not know how. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

Why can’t I take a compliment?

Insecure girl

Dear Therapist Within:

Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed that my perception of myself is very skewed. I tend to think negatively and bash myself quite a bit. I honestly couldn’t say a positive thing about myself.

Yesterday was my turning point when another professor told me that I am a sweet, quiet, friendly young lady and I draw others to me who seek help or validation. I don’t see myself as sweet or friendly at all.

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , ,

How do I cure myself of Social Phobia????

 Dear Therapist Within:

I believe I suffer from social phobia.  I am a sheltered geek and the son of an overprotective mother.  I am severely reclusive, utterly avoiding most social goings such as parties.  I rarely eat in public and I have not used a public rest room since I was four.  (However, that is probably due to getting attacked by a bully while using a urinal)  I often stutter and have difficulty talking; I avoid phone conversations and tremble when speaking in public.  I am strictly against alcohol and drug use; I even resist using medicine.  I would not say I have low self-esteem, Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

My friend wants sex, his girfriend of 1 month does not. What do I advise him to do?

Dear Therapist Within:

I have a friend that has been dating a girl for about a month, she says that she is not ready for a relationship because she confused about her feelings.The issue is that there are other women that are interested in him sexually and he doesn’t want to feel guilty about cheating on the girl he is dating even though she has made it clear that she is unaware of her feelings and what is going to happen. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

Post Partum Depression or just Self-Centeredness?

Dear Therapist Within:

My friend Nanci is 26 with a two year old son whom I love to death. Lately she is depressed, constantly crying, smoking cigarettes while breast feeding and never sleeping. I try to tell her what she is doing is not healthy for her or her son, but I’m not getting through to her. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

My friend tries to control me. How can I make her stop?

Dear Therapist Within:

I have a friend that I care dearly for. I have known her for almost five years now and we are very close. I just realized when we started hanging out very often that she can be very controlling. I know or at least I think that it is because she cares and is very insecure. I would like to know how to talk to her without having her upset with me but in a way that will make a difference.

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

How can I maintain a positive attitude with a negative spouse?

Dear Therapist Within:

I am in the process of trying to learn positive self talk, gratitude for the little things, and just to enjoy my days as they come….but in doing so, I am realizing that my husband is very negative. Has he always been? OR am I just noticing it because I’m focusing on not being that way? Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

I am too stressed!!! HELP!

Dear Therapist Within:

I often have more stress than I can handle and I take it out on my boyfriend. I try really hard not to but sometimes it just overwhelms me. I really can’t seem to control my stress. I can’t get over the feeling of so much to do. I beat myself up over and over again. I get in a rut and as much as I try to get my head above water, I just sink deeper. I would like to know how to better control my stress.

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

To travel the world or settle down, that is the question.

Dear Therapist Within:

People dream about getting married, starting a family, making a lot of money, living their lives with ease. But even though I’m just out of high school, I can’t help but feel that that is not the road I want to go down on. It seems completely nonsensical, settling down and only being in one place for your entire life. I have been hesitant to tell my boyfriend what I think about it, as he has expressed interest in the exact same thinking pattern. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags:

My two little brothers fight. How can I help them stop?

Dear Therapist Within:

I am having an issue with my oldest little brother who is about to turn twelve years old. He seems to always want to pick on my youngest brother of 9 years. He is always trying to one up him, to the extent that they literally hit and push each other. I feel they have learned some of this aggression from my mom and step dad verbally fighting over the years no doubt seeing me and my step dad fight as well. I understand that boys will be boys but it seems like they have approached a whole new level of being rotten. Just the other day they were arguing, fighting, pouting and putting on a show for my mom to watch in disgust. I don’t want my little brothers to grow up with this kind of attitude, especially the older one. They are both very intelligent kids, they passed the AIMS with flying colors and I feel that they can exceed. My mother is completely hard headed and just doesn’t want to listen and tells me that I am no different from them when I try to intervene….Almost like she would rather prove a point than to have me try to intervene….I am completely lost and I feel I am losing two very smart siblings with a lot of potential….What should I do?

ANSWER:  First of all, I applaud you for recognizing the problem and wanting to do something.  This is a form of bullying that really needs to stop.  It can very well result from seeing bullying going on in your household.  Often when children see it, and if they are the target of your parents, for example, they feel angry and helpless and take it out on someone younger and smaller than they.  I wish I knew how old you were so I could make some judgment of how sophisticated my response could be – but here goes anyway!  Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Why does my father favor my sister?

 Dear Therapist Within:

For years now, my dad has showed favortism to one of my younger sisters. In high school, I was involved in many activities such as student government, yearbook staff, dance, soccer manager and had a dancing role in one of the spring musicals. When the musical arrived, my dad had shown up but for only one of the four nights the show was playing. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Casey Anthony’s Lies

Casey Anthony Angry

Casey Temper Tantrum

The most common question I am asked regarding the Casey Anthony trial and its chief participants is why does Casey Anthony lie, and is lying endemic in the Anthony family?

To answer the first question:  People usually lie because it gets them what they want.  Especially sociopaths.  They are glib and charming, have a grandiose sense of self, crave excitement, are cunning and manipulative, impulsive, irresponsible, and promiscuous.  They lack serious, realistic long-term goals, and most important, lack empathy, remorse and guilt.  And they lie.  Pathologically.   Because they only have feelings for themselves and what they want.  Lying gets them what they want. 

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

Stone-Faced Casey Anthony: Cold as Ice or Just Angry? Tot mom reacts to father’s testimony

Stone Faced Casey AnthonyCold?  Yes.  But more to the point, I believe she is angry.  Full of rage.  Furious that her parents replaced her with the adorable Caylee.  Angry enough with them to want to punish them to the ultimate degree – by killing her daughter and depriving her parents of the joy they got from being the doting, hands-on grandparents the obviously are.  And, at the same time that she delivers the ultimate pain to her parents, Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

My mom steals and lies. How can I ever trust her again?

Dear Therapist Within:

My mom has always been there for me in the past but now she is stealing money from everybody including me.  She cheated on my dad and she is in a relationship with another man. She led a double life for almost a year and was lying to both men, lying to my father that she wasn’t seeing another man and lying to her boyfriend that she divorced my dad. She lies and has stolen over $100,000 from different people.

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

My mom is stressed! How can I help her?

Dear Therapist Within:

My mother is 46 years old. She seems to always have such high levels of stress, she worries about things that do not concern her and finds ways to make everything bigger than it is. As a result of her stressing out, she is tired often and moves slowly. What is one way to start helping her to find ways to relieve her stress?

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , ,

My parents need to move into a care facility but my sister is resistant. . .

Dear Therapist Within:

My sister takes care of my parents who are still alive and in their mid 70s.  Both have major medical conditions (mother-Dementia, Farther-Diabetes, Parkinsons) and need care all the time. I was helping her take care of my mother while she had an out-patient surgery this last week and experienced firsthand the condition of my mother’s mental state. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

My mom is depressed. How do I cheer her up?

Creative Commons License photo credit: seyed mostafa zamani

Dear Therapist Within:

My mother’s brother passed away 3 months ago.  Now my mother is very quiet and keeps to herself.  I try taking her out and having a good time.  When we are out, she laughs and carries-on with me.  As soon as we go home she goes back into a depression.  How can I help her to be happy again?

ANSWER:  I know your heart is in the right place and it is great to take your mom out from time to time.  But her brother’s death is a major life tragedy which quite naturally results in sadness and transient depression and she needs time to grieve – to think about him, miss him, ponder the meaning of life.  Since she is able to have a good time with you, she is clearly in the recovery process, but it doesn’t happen overnight.  Give her the gift of time, and encourage her to talk about her brother to you if she can.  Above all, don’t hurry her.  Be patient and she will work her way out of it.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Why does my Mom put up with abusive men?

I have two almost identical letters today so am putting them together with one answer.

Dear Therapist Within:

My mother got divorced about two years ago and immediately started dating a childhood friend that she and my dad grew up with.  He differs from my dad in that he is very short tempered and is extremely loud, even when he is having a normal, calm conversation.  I have witnessed on multiple occasions him flipping out and screaming at my mom.  He would call her names and even threw a cell phone and dented the wall once.  He usually leaves before they resolve their argument (which is petty most of the time).  My mom says “I’m done with him.  This is the last straw.”   But within a week he is back.  Can you please explain what might be going on in her mind and why she keeps taking him back?     Concerned Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , , ,

My boyfriend has lied to me in the past. How can I trust my boyfriend?

Jealous Eyes VOL. You Jelly?Creative Commons License photo credit: Instant Vantage

Dear Therapist Within,

During our first few months of dating, my boyfriend had a *best* girlfriend whom he had had a crush on the previous high school year. When he told me (I was not jealous before this) I became jealous. I asked him not to be friends with her as I was not comfortable with it. He assured me he had no feelings for her and would terminate the friendship immediately. After about two months I saw him with her daily, at school and she often called him at home and on his cell phone. When I asked him about this, he lied and told me he wasn’t talking to her. I forgave him for lying to me but then I found a picture of them together and everything blew up all over again.

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , , ,

My friend is emotional, paranoid and suicidal. How can I help her?

Dear Therapist Within:

I have a friend and she is really emotional, for lack of a better word. She has horrible self-esteem and tells anyone and everyone that they are lying whenever they tell her something positive about herself. She couldn’t take a compliment to save her life. She’s also paranoid that awful things will happen to her and that people are spying on her and even listening to conversations we have together!  This is crazy.

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , ,

You CAN Eradicate Severe Panic Attacks W/O Meds

If you suffer from severe panic attacks and want to eradicate them permanently without using meds, you owe it to yourself to find out everything you can about how your emotional brain works, how anxiety disorders evolve into full-blown panic, their relationship to your early years, and how to cure panic attacks and heal your life.   Many websites explain the chemical and hormonal changes that occur after the attack is triggered, but in the following pages (click on MORE at the bottom of this post), we will focus on the latest research regarding how your panic attacks are triggered to begin with.    Find out how

Protein that has been deposited in the emotional brain (amygdala) is triggered by events in the environment - how it go there and how to get rid of it – instead of just suppressing it.

Your relationship issues, life crises, insomnia and more are connected and how curing panic attacks will lead to far greater and wider emotional benefits

If you wish, how to select a therapist who will help you actually get better instead of  throwing meds at you and/or leading you down the wrong path (and collecting hefty fees to boot) 

And much more . . .

Whether you panic when you fear abandonment, get on a plane, drive through a tunnel, leave your house, or any of dozens of other reasons, you can be cured – permanently and completely – not just of panic and anxiety, but of insomnia, dysfunctional relationships and other life crises as well.  They are all related.  Learn how.  MORE

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

My mom and I fight constantly! It is getting worse – how can I defuse the situation?

Dear Therapist Within:

My mom and I are constantly fighting, sometimes it seems as though we fight more then we get along. For a long time I believed that it was all my mom’s fault because I swear she enjoys arguing. But as of late, when we fight it gets so intense so fast, I think that they occur because of me. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , , ,

I have panic attacks when older men ogle me. What can I do?

Dear Therapist Within:

For some reason, I have extreme anxiety and fear when older men, especially men with authority look at me. My boss right now is only 34, but for some reason I find myself always trying to avoid his gaze and hate making eye contact with him. After he hired me, he told me that he had graded me on attire and marked me down 8 points because of “my chest.”  I am bigger chested than my co-workers, but I don’t think I wear clothes that show it off, so I am not sure where that is coming from, but it makes me very uncomfortable

My dad often stared at me when I was little. Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , ,

My boyfriend is angry with his parents. Could he take it out on me someday?

Day030-24_AprCreative Commons License photo credit: KBoneva
Dear Therapist Within,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and 6 months.  When he was a child he was moved around a lot because his parents lived separately and were never married.  He has anger issue with both parents but so far has never taken it out on me.  Whenever he gets mad in the future could he get angry with me? Could this affect our future?

Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

I don’t want more children, my future husband does. What do I do?

Dear Therapist Within:

After having my son at 19 and splitting from his father, I have decided that I do not want any more children.  I am now 24 and have been dating a man for a year who has no children.  At first, he said that he did not want any children either.   But now that we are getting more serious, he has told me that since he is the only son and since his sisters aren’t having any children, he feels the weight is on his shoulders to give his parents a grandchild.  He also knows that I am working hard on my career goals.   Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: ,

My children’s dad died suddenly. How do I help them cope with the pain?

Dear Therapist Within:

My children are 12 and 14 years old.  Since their dad passed awFrustrationay suddenly in January they haven’t wanted to spend much time with their grandparents at their home.  They are happy to see them if it is at my home or if it’s in a neutral place.  This has been really hard on their grandparents because before their son passed away the kids spent every other weekend with them.  His parents were his caretakers, as he was disabled due to a car accident that he was in a few years ago.  He passed away in the kitchen of his parents’ home.  Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , , ,

My boyfriend drinks when he is upset . . .

Dear Therapist Within:

Severe Panic Attacks

My boyfriend Brad, who is in his late 20′s, has two kids that  he rarely gets to see.   I know this upsets him but he refuses to talk about it and tries to act like everything is okay.   He drinks a lot whenever his ex calls, I think to avoid the hurt feeling he has, but I would really like to help him.  What can I do?  Worried

ANSWER: First, and most importantly, your boyfriend’s behavior  is telling you something about his character – that when he is hurt or depressed, instead of courageously confronting the problem, spending time figuring out what he can do and following through, or talking with you, his partner, he refuses to share his pain and escapes into alcohol.   Read more »

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Blogplay

Technorati Tags: , , ,